Take Heed Upon Wife’s Call For Help!

 Men, this title will soon clarify itself as you read this story. The author was to embarrassed to sign his name to it and we can very well understand this not so difficult choice. Imagine your name (men) having the honors of being attached to this most outrageous episode and this story being told in every office throughout the world?

Note: We’ve already heard that some mis-guided women (bent on revenge) are sending this narrative around, claming that this was their once upon a time husband.

Our dear Mr. Smith was somewhat Embarrassed to call in sick to work because it made him uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate his illness, he always sense his bosses suspicion that he was lying. However, on this one occasion, he had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. He simply mentioned that he had sustained a head injury and he hoped he would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, he could possibly think up a doozy to explain his strange shuffling hobble and the bandage on his crown. This unfortunate accident occurred mainly because our Mr. Smith conceded to his wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty named “Claws”. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning Mr. Smith was taking his shower after breakfast when he heard his lovely wife, Gertrude, call out to him from the kitchen. "Honey… the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it for me." "You know where the button is,” he protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second I need to use it." So out came our Smith, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how his wife’s cowardly behavior was not without consequence. Dripping all over the place, he crouched down and stuck his wet head under the sink to find the reset button. This is where the story really gets it lift, for it is the last action that our Mr. Smith remembers performing.

Suddenly and without warning it struck, and certainly without respect to our mans circumstances. Nope, it wasn't any electrical short waiting for Smith to touch it nor was it a hexed disposal drawing him into its steel grinding teeth, no not at all! But it was their (his wife’s) brand new kitty “killer Claw” clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied at the rear end of his bent over posture. Unknowingly the Claw had been poised around the corner and slowly stalked Mr. Smith as he took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second he was bent over and most vulnerable, just pushing the reset button, she with all her fury leapt at what she thought must have been some really special toys that Smith was unwittingly offering…and snagged them with her needle-like claws…ahhh…sheet! Suddenly Mr. Smith lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a now panicked kitten hanging from his masculine region…EEKS! As we all know from the many naturalists and TV Wild animal shows humans are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option or should we say LEAP OPTION! Without thought Smith found himself leaping straight up, where the steel pipes under the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded his ascent; the impact knocked him out cold! When he finally awoke, he saw a group of smiling eyed paramedics gocking down at him with his lovely wife now holding the frightened kitty Claws, just behind the emergency crew. Of course, Mrs. Smith had already fully briefed the paramedics on the circumstances and they were snorting and snickering as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

Sure enough, at the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of Smith. But he kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue," they pried. If they had only known.

Men, always beware of these possible circumstances and let your wife fix the dang thing herself!

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