THE TWO COW EXPLANATION

THE TWO-COW EXPLANATION

Just in case you’ve ever wanted to know about governments and their mentalities! This illustration pretty well sums it all up:

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk but you got to do all the work.
FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government to begin with.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows and take over the world with milk.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain and gives themselves a raise for such good thinking!
AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead and you turn to the government for a tax break!
FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows and cry when you learn that your cows were actually giant frogs.
JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves and nothing but sauerkraut comes out.
ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch and angrily wave your hands about it.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka and it tastes like sour milk?
MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap and dream of beans and milk on the other side of the boarder!
SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you charge for storing them for others and name your banks after cheese.
BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy to get their executives back.
INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them and feed them your left over citizens for good luck.
TALIBAN You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.
CANADIAN: you tell your bank to come and get their stinkin' cows, they do and sell them back to you as hamburger with mind altering drugs in it.
CATHOLIC: You have two cows. You put one into the manger scene and stuff the other one, paint it gold and put it into your museum.
JEWISH: Their country is two rocky for two cows so they start a web site instead?
NEW YORKERS: They disguise their cows as eastern taxies and turn their exhaust into powdered milk and sell it to gangs to cut their cocaine with.
CALIFORNIANS: They raise their taxes on their two cows so high, that the farmers have to melt all their cows down into milk cartons and sell them for advertising.
AUSTRALIA: They were running out of Kangaroos so the environmentalist made everyone cut off the two front legs of their cows and rename them Kangaroos and outlawed meat milk and cows
AFRICA: The government had to hide their only two cows because the natives kept poking holes in them for the blood. The government didn’t mind this but they needed the blood for transfusions for their politicians.

Okay, that’s enough now!

From the Department of Milk Research at the United Nations!

TickTalk is not responsible for any ill effects from the milk information above!

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