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Authored By Nadia Tickenoff © May 2002 |
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The Real Winner |
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Ring, ring, clang, buzz, buzz the alarm sounded like a freight train was roaring through our cozy riverside cabin and no way was I going to get up! But my enthusiastic husband was up right now, and telling me to, "rise and shine Dear," for the big ones were waiting out there in the morning dawn!" He forgot to mention that I, his wonderful wife did not care if all the salmon in heaven were just waiting to jump on my hook, I was not a fisher person and I did not want him to keep trying to make me into one. But, because The Book Of Good Marriage says that it is a good practice to join in your mates hobby's or activities, so as a good wife, I thought I would at least come to the river with him. Besides, my Mikie had entered us both together, in the big annual Salmon fishing contest which ended today. Oh no, just my coming to the river was not enough for him, now he wanted me to get up at some hideous and forsaken hour and go out into the cold wet morning and sit in his boat and hold onto a stupid fishing pole for him. This was getting out of hand, too much for me, how would the girls at the office react at all this manly stuff and what would my ladies club think? Oh well, anything to keep my man happy, huh! "Come on sweet heart, its running late and we got to get out there right now," Mikie my fisherman scolded me as he poured my black teeth grinding coffee and helped me on with some huge rubber boots, making me look like some ugly rescue boat from a rubber made catalogue! "Yes Dear , I'll be ready in a few hours, after a good nights sleep and as soon as I get on the other twelve jackets and 18 pair of warm gloves!" Once outside, I got to admit, the morning was rather beautiful, the crisp cold chill off the mountains, the scent of pine mixed in moist sea air and the stirring of other fishermen seeking the big one for the day sort of stirred up something in me, like tight intestines. It was the annual fishing contest, a derby for the big one of the season, and everyone that owned a boat in the western hemisphere was here. Oh well I thought, it was only for today, how bad could it be? After all, I had taken my sea sick pills, four aspirin, five calcium tablets, ginseng root powder, a two day supply of vitamins, and I wore four different kinds of sea sick patches all over my body, just incase, you never know now? I also brought my favorite books, a walkman, plenty of extra tapes, a good supply of sunflower seeds, my favorite cookies, several fashion magazines, and a big cushion to sleep on and because of Mikie's hurrying me up, had to leave a bunch of stuff behind, but I was finally ready! We were soon working our way out of the dock area and headed down river to the mouth of the Oregon coastal bay. The sun still had a long way to go before it showed up over the mountain but we were soon anchoring just inside the north channel across from the something called the "Clam Shell House" alongside what seemed to me a crowded parking lot of boats. A few grunts and nods from other fishermen welcomed us into the line as we dropped our lures into the smooth flowing tidle waters. Now and then a splash would echo across the surface and a big one hit the water, you could hear everyone oouing and awing…O wow! Beyond my husbands anxious talking and general fisherman's complaining, I was soon fast asleep, deep in bliss, before the first hookup came from a nearby boat. Then another and then another, but we were still waiting for our first "break the skunk" bite as the sun rose off the mountains. There's just something about a early morning fishing expedition, a gentle rocking boat, a soft pillow and a cozy seat that just naturally puts me into the sweetest sleep….sorry Mikie! My Mikie was disgusted with my being so comfortable and soon began his complaining and griping at me and my non caring attitude and that I should stay awake like him and keep alert for my BIG FISH. "Sorry dearest Hubs, I didn't want to be out here in the first place, so just let me be and let me enjoy the peace and quiet of this lovely place," I retorted from under my thick blankets, pile of jackets and from behind my favorite pillow. By noon nearly all boats had caught fish but we were not yet so lucky. Of course my Mikie had now turned this bad luck towards my lack luster enthusiasm for just sleeping away the day as we trolled the gentle waters. Like that big one really knew that I was sleeping? Besides my bladder was full, my behind ached and Mikie was getting on my nerves, and I wanted to go home! By now, somewhere past my seventh dream, nearly all the original boats had caught and gone in, but O no, we had to stick it out…and I was really wondering about our marriage? Now don't get me wrong, I love my Mikie and all, but when it comes to this fishing stuff, well we got to build a higher wall, me on one side and him on the other… forget that hobby stuff! By late morning, Mikie was thoroughly disgusted with me and he really got "pushed" when any other boat would get a hookup, and by now, I was tired too and we were now breathing in fish fumes and exhaust as we were trolling up river. It was here, or should I say just about then, when I knew for sure that all was completely wrong with this experience , that things got interesting. Actually, as I think back this is the moment things ultimately began to turn in my favor and that wall I mentioned, well, it was here that it was strangely created! It was one of those extraordinary moments in life that will not easily be forgotten, especially in this case. Suddenly, out of nowhere, and I mean nowhere, just like that, a huge and I mean huge salmon leaped out of the water! They say it was possibly being chased by killer seals, but no matter, I was STARTLE, as I watched it begin its flight through a water sparkling flash, arching high into the air. Its massive form seemed to block out the sun for a moment as it slowly arched its shiny body , seemingly surprised to see us so close and had no chance to change its mind about its direction. Everything took place in an instant, it came right at me and without more than two seconds notice, it landed right on my lap! No kidding! I screamed so loud that my voice must have echoed for miles up the river. But there it was, a salmon that weighed at least 50 pounds! Good thing for all my blankets and extra junk, haa! I was lucky they say, that it did not hit me on the head, yeah, real lucky! I leaped up, it bounced off my lap and thrashed everything in sight. I climbed, clawed and ran to the front of the boat to get away from this near death experience. Somehow good old Mikie finally got his "wife protection wits" back while staggering around the monster smashing fish! Then he leaped over to my side, knocking half my stuff into the water, jumped around like a mad Indian and he finally understood my screaming words to, "Club the stupid fish before it killed us both." Then Mikie came alive and began to club this huge salmon and saved us both, oh my hero! But my scream had frightened the stuff out of Mikie and he let the boat go and it was now veering through everyone's lines and barely missing other boats with lots of cussing and uncouth shouting going on around us. I got to admit, this was a rather exciting and very embarrassing moment, but who knows what that fish could have done to me? Needless to say, a real bad few moments came to those other fishing boats as they dodged our now helmless craft. But inn all this excitement, Mikie forgot that because of my scream a bunch of boats filled with gawking fishermen were now coming towards us and watching. He really did not mean to club the fish, it was just a natural thing to do, and besides, he thought that that fish was trying to mug me any ways! Well this was all fine and dandy, but now the fishing cop or the "Green Guns" whatever you call him came over to see what the heck was going on and that is when Mikie realized that to club a fish that you did not catch was totally illegal! So my X-fishing partner, I am not saying we are divorced or anything like that, it is just that Mikie will no longer even consider taking me fishing with him. No way, it took him two months to pay off that stupid $500 dollar fine and one more month to pay the reckless boat driving ticket! So in one really good way, our marriage is still working out just fine, and in this Fishing Expedition, I consider myself "The Real Winner!" Sorry dear Mikie, my hero! Contact Author at: |
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