Two Geniuses Go A-Hunting!

 Eddy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560 monthly payments. He and his good buddy Freddy go duck hunting in winter, and of course the scene for adventure is set, because all the lakes are frozen. Now Eddy and Freddy head for their favorite lake with their best guns, a good lunch, Eddy’s best dog Teddy, and of course the new vehicle. They finally get to the mountain lake and proceed to drive out onto the solid frozen surface and slip, slide and skid over the thick ice until they get to their favorite location and prepare for a good day of duck hunting. Now, of course it is necessary to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill and hours of hard labor.

So now, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Eddy and Freddy, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. This is logical and seemingly intelligent until another unrealized factor enters into the picture. They stroll out onto the ice and flip a coin to see who’s going to get the privilege of lighting the fuse and the honors go to Freddy. He lights the forty second fuse and then tosses the dynamite. Well now, as they begin their dash to safety, here’s where that unrealized factor comes onto the scene. We must not judge these two characters to harshly, for these type of factors could happen to any of us…right?

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when there was the mention of the vehicle, the guns and the dog? It’s time to reveal that unforeseen factor…the Dog Teddy! Teddy was of course a highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things tossed or thrown by friendly and happy men out on frozen lakes. Yep, you guessed it, the retrieving dog Teddy takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and proceeds to capture the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse pretty well at the same time the dynamite hits the ice. Eddy and Freddy reach the safety of the truck and turn just in time to see good old Teddy running after them carrying the burning hissing stick of dynamite, leaping and bounding with all happy returns towards his loving and caring owner.

Realization hits these two astonished hunters and so they begin their yelling, screaming, waving campaign for life. They soon run out of campaign strategy and are wondering what to do next as the dog, cheered on by the enthused waving and yelling, keeps coming. Hey, no alternative, Eddy grabs his shotgun and begins shooting around the on coming dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop an over enthused Black Lab. But the dog stops for a moment pondering, slightly confused, but then continues obediently on toward his master. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused, and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane, hey, no alternative, Teddy takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator…still holding the dynamite stick tightly but now with a 5-second fuse!

…**!!!*…BOOM! Teddy the dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces. Soon a flock of really fine ducks circle the scene below but due to the fact that they see a human named Freddy swimming in their ice hole they decided to move on to better and more tranquil lakes. The dirty rotten insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives by two really stupid humans is not covered. Eddy (Genius #1) still had yet to make the first of those $560 a month payments!

Note: Also, the Department of Dogs is investigating Eddy for cruelty. And you thought your day was not going well?

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