Dedicated To The Firewood Thief!
(And to the neighbor who dealt with him)

  There is or was a man in our rural neighborhood who use to sneak around late at night and steal everyone’s hard cut firewood. He would get up on dark cold nights and go wandering around the neighborhood and steal it from our woodpiles. This thievery went on for several seasons…until! After realizing that a great deal of our hard cut wood pile was being hauled away in the middle of the night, well, one neighbor got rather upset at having to chop, split and stack firewood for this neighborhood thief. This irate neighbor came up with this “Stop The Wood Thief Idea” which was simple enough in its concept and basically seemed a fair resolution to the neighborhoods troubles. He drilled out a core hole in one nice piece of maple wood and pressed a tied bundle of 5 “mother of all fire crackers” into the hole and plugged it up with sawdust and glue. He then set the log of dried maple in the second outside row and reminded his family NOT to touch that log. A few days went by and sure enough our neighbor came over one morning telling us that a good section of his woodpile was missing, and the maple bomb was gone!

About two weeks later our family was gathered around the kitchen table playing cards when we suddenly heard a very distinct rumble of sorts. We all ran out of the house to see sparks and flames shooting out of the roof of a neighbors house down the alley way from us. Within moments we heard a fire truck blaring its way through the neighborhood to where a crowd was now gathered on the front yard of the Hoody Gibson family. It was reported that Mr. Gibson was yelling and cussing up a storm. He was demanding that the police investigate this explosion in his woodstove as some kind of a terrible prank or crime. He was shouting that he was just innocently sitting near his woodstove and trying to keep warm when suddenly a huge blast shook the stove off its brick platform and the vertical smoke pipe blew open shooting smoke everywhere. Even though the blast itself only blew open his stove, no fire had taken hold but the house was now full of ugly soot and smoke…sorry Hoody! Oh well, Mr. Gibson and his firewood stealing family soon moved away and once again our neighborhood wood piles were left safe. A computation was made, and it was ascertained that this thief spent more time and worked harder to get his fuel than he would have been obliged to if he had earned it in an honest way at ordinary wages.

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