How Not to Milk an Elephant!

Far off in a distant land and once upon a summer day, a group of young African women using all their subtle charms of womanhood, conjured and smoothly persuaded their villages young swaggering buck of a man Aley Bagowondo, to go forth yonder and simply collect some needed milk for them!

This request seemed harmless enough and besides, "What was the big deal of milking a stupid old elephant for such sweet looking ladies," Aley thought. Smiling at the delicate young creatures who now stood off in the distance looking on, El Mocho Bagowondo approached the old elephant with all the confidence of an experienced elephant herder.

Walking along casually swinging his milk pail, our story maker swaggered up to the side of this rather good-sized beast, which paid no attention to brave, and handsome Aley while it stood eating leaves off a high tree. Glancing back at his ladies in need, making sure they didn't miss one moment of his good deed and bravery, Aley saw all of them waving encouragement and approval for his kind assistance! "But Oh Aley, if you would have not been so blinded to your own personal charms, you might have realized that those lovely village ladies were trying to tell you something else!"

Now that Aley had fully captured their hearts and won their affections, and he could see that they were still waving their encouragement towards him, Aley smiled and leaned his head against the side of this monster as he slipped his hand under the belly of the huge beast and slowly began to attempt to milk this elephant!

Now if we could read this elephant's thoughts at that moment, it might have been expressing some most interesting thoughts of its own: "What the heck?" "Oh my gosh!" "What the hell is this guy think he's doing?" "I've had it with these stupid humans!" "I know the world has gone crazy, but this idiot has gone way to far!" "I hope this foolish piece of dung doesn't think he's gonna get away with this, does he?" "For sure, these punk perverts have been smoking to much Rhino dung lately!"

Then with a great roar, the beast suddenly twisted its huge head around and reached back with its long trunk and grabbed the village fool of the year! Without further ado, the very irritated elephant flung the screaming hunk of flailing flesh and his pail into the air. Aley, the young and terrified El Mocho stud landed with a thud, and immediately gathered himself up and tried running away but the elephant was so agitated it began to snort louder and chase him.

Aley, the horrified youth somehow forgot his "cool" and soon ran for the nearest tree and darted up its trunk like a scared mouse! But the elephant was not going to walk away from this insult so soon, and thus stomped over to the tree and began to shake the branches with all its roars and fury!

When the stupid human did not fall out, the beast decided a more intense action was needed; thus it proceeded to wrap its thick muscled trunk around the tree and simply, uprooted the entire tree!

The very upset beast now began to shake and toss the tree around, while screaming Aley was somehow managing to hold on for dear life! The X-brave swaggerer soon threw his pail onto the ground and just for show; the elephant crushed it flat in a moment!

Now the village women who had playfully urged conceited Aley Bagowondo the foolish man of little knowledge to do such a thing, became somewhat frightened over the unusual spectacle now taking place before them. And with this, they did what all women around the world know how to do best, they began to SCREAM and YELL at the beast, trying to distract it from its furious rampage.

By and by, with all their high-pitched screeches and extraordinary pleadings they soon persuaded the beast to release the tree. It looked at them in total revulsion, dropped the tree and just slowly walked away snorting, farting, trumpeting and huffing with furious toots!

Again, if we were to read that elephant's thoughts at that time, we would surely hear it say, "Got-cha, you little creep!" "Bet you won't be trying that again for awhile!" "Hope you had the stuff scared out of you, you're lucky I didn't stomp the crap out of you completely!" "If it wasn't for those other idiot screaming humans over there, raising all that fuss, I'd most likely really got carried away!" "I'll be back!" "I am getting fed up with this jungle stuff!" "I bet the guys back at the drinking hole will get a kick out of this one!"

Now the question here is this, would Aley Bagowondo El Motcho have had more success if he would have been correct in discerning those female persuaders "frantic waves," actually declaring "Not that one you fool, the OTHER ONE!"

Or would a little more observation done him better by enabling Aley El Mocho in determining a FEMALE elephant from a MALE ELEPHANT?

Better yet, perhaps men and youth better learn to beware of women's insistent powers of persuasion, fortified by their charms and beauty!

Maybe good old Aley might do better next time, in taking some time and educating himself about life first, rather than trying to charm the ladies with his Macho STUPIDITY!

Contact Author at:

michael@ticktalk.net

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